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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.

Pros And Cons Of Electric Cars

With technology improving and more automobile companies releasing electric models, electric cars are becoming a common alternative for American consumers. Here are the pros and cons of electric vehicles.
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Historical Archives: Alexander Hamilton Challenges Nation To A Duel

BE IT KNOWN that ALEXANDER HAMILTON, once a serveant to the American People in the halls of CONGRESS and now practicing law in the State of New York, has challenged the Populace of the very Nation he once serv'd as Leader, to a Duel. Owing to these many AFFRONTS by these same Citizens regarding: The manner in which he comports himself in affairs of business and finances; His insistence that the Artickles of Confederation be not the Ideal Rules of Governance; And on the quality of company which he keeps with man-folk—M. HAMILTON will have satisfaction at sun-up, a week hence, with Himself as Insulted Partie choosing the Weapon'ry.

Thus M. HAMILTON Vowes: To best every inhabitant of these thirteen States and restore his Honneur. At SUN-UP, the one-and-a-half millions of men of shooting age must arive up'n the western bank of the Hudson River in Weehawken, armed with such pistols or rapiers as M. HAMILTON sees fit to specify, and accompanied by a second. As is the custom, a count of three shall be given, and the parties shall turn and fyre, either to wound or to kill. Should any of his country-men fail to appear, M. HAMILTON will presume they are COWARDS not worthie of his attention and shall be declared their better. With his victory in tow, he shall retire to a Publick House in New York to boisterously ridickule the Losers over several Pints of Ale for which he will paye.

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