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As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Bo Obama Addresses Graduates Of Dayton Obedience School

DAYTON, OH—Calling on the 2017 class of canines to make the most of their training as they head out into the world, former first dog Bo Obama delivered a stirring commencement speech Friday to graduates of the Dayton Obedience School.

‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Most Notable Google Ventures

Ten years ago this week, Google Street View launched, offering panoramic views of locations all over the world. As the tech giant continues to debut new projects, The Onion highlights some of Google’s most ambitious ventures to date:

Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.
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Historical Archives: Alexander Hamilton Challenges Nation To A Duel

BE IT KNOWN that ALEXANDER HAMILTON, once a serveant to the American People in the halls of CONGRESS and now practicing law in the State of New York, has challenged the Populace of the very Nation he once serv'd as Leader, to a Duel. Owing to these many AFFRONTS by these same Citizens regarding: The manner in which he comports himself in affairs of business and finances; His insistence that the Artickles of Confederation be not the Ideal Rules of Governance; And on the quality of company which he keeps with man-folk—M. HAMILTON will have satisfaction at sun-up, a week hence, with Himself as Insulted Partie choosing the Weapon'ry.

Thus M. HAMILTON Vowes: To best every inhabitant of these thirteen States and restore his Honneur. At SUN-UP, the one-and-a-half millions of men of shooting age must arive up'n the western bank of the Hudson River in Weehawken, armed with such pistols or rapiers as M. HAMILTON sees fit to specify, and accompanied by a second. As is the custom, a count of three shall be given, and the parties shall turn and fyre, either to wound or to kill. Should any of his country-men fail to appear, M. HAMILTON will presume they are COWARDS not worthie of his attention and shall be declared their better. With his victory in tow, he shall retire to a Publick House in New York to boisterously ridickule the Losers over several Pints of Ale for which he will paye.

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‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

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