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Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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Historical Archives: Benedict Arnold Is A Modern Day's Anthony Babington

RESOLV'D

By all Men Good & True, that, to his d—nable Role in seeking to ASSASSINATE our waxing Nation much in the Manner of the Out Rages attempt'd against young Queen Elizabeth;

And for conspiring with the British as if they were Mary Queen of Scots; and for shewing no more Loyalty than any Scoundrel;

That the Dishonorable BENEDICT ARNOLD is a very Modern-Day's ANTHONY BABINGTON, and his name shall be consign'd to Obscurity, and like all Anthony Babingtons, be known only to the Wind, and soil not the Lips of Men, for Ever More.

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