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Historical Archives: Citizens Are Now Free to Practise Any Form Of Protestantism They Want

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Obama Resigns From Presidency After Michelle Lands Dream Job In Seattle

‘It’s Time I Made Some Sacrifices For This Family,’ Reports President

WASHINGTON—Saying his wife of 24 years had already sacrificed so much for the sake of his career and that it was time to return the favor, Barack Obama announced Wednesday his resignation as president of the United States of America, effective immediately, following news that Michelle Obama had landed her dream job in Seattle.

High School Nurse Getting Pretty Good At Spotting Morning Sickness

FAIRFIELD, ME―Having seen more students than she can remember come into her office with complaints of nausea and vomiting over the years, Fairfield High School nurse Sarah Bromti told reporters Wednesday she’s getting to the point where she can identify morning sickness without much trouble.

Jogger Clearly On First Run Of Plan To Turn Life Around

CHICAGO—Taking note of the man’s beat-up tennis shoes, sweat-drenched shirt, and ill-fitting pair of sweatpants as he made his way down the sidewalk, witnesses reported Tuesday that area jogger Dan Andreychuk was clearly out on his very first run of a plan to turn his life around.
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  • How Theaters Are Trying To Win Back Moviegoers

    The number of Americans who went to the movies hit a 20-year low in 2014, leaving theaters scrambling to find ways to incentivize the public to see new releases on the big screen rather than watch films at home or on the internet. Here are some methods theaters are using to win back audiences and increase box office sales:

Historical Archives: Citizens Are Now Free to Practise Any Form Of Protestantism They Want

In their infinite Wisdom and Compassion, the Founders of our Young Republic have seen fit to bestow upon we Americans, the Wise and Enlightened Sons of the Re-Formation, the Religious Freedom to practise with out re-percussion, any of the number of austere and unbending Denominations, of PROTESTANTISM that We might choose in the Service of Honouring JESUS CHRIST, our One Lord and Saviour. Be you Anglican, Baptist, Anabaptist, Puritan, or even Pietist, then worry not in regard to having weighty Stones of sharp points cast upon your Person, or your Land salted and your Mule burnt to the ground as is done to the hooked-nose JEW, and allay your fears of being beat'n about the Head and Boddie, covered in Quick-lime, Tarr, and Ground-Glass, and driven into the Sea, as is the much deserv'd Lot of the wicked PAPIST. You, good Protestant, are proteckted in your faith as much as you are assur'd a place in the Kingdom of HEAVEN. Unless you are Calvinist, in Which case this just and equitable Nation, is your Earthly reward until such time as you burn for ETERNITY in the sulf'rus and all-Consuming Fires of HELL, as was Predestin'd by the Event of your Birth. Howe'er, the pious Mohammeden or Muslimic Adherent need not cower in Feare from the vengeful and fiery Sword of Archangel Uriel as wield'd by the LORD'S humble Protestant servants, for though his Customs and manner of Worship may seem strange, his is a good faith, bearing some resemblances to CHRISTIANITY, and the Arabe shall never be at odds with our Nation's righteous Doctrines, nor wish any grievous harm to befall our belov'd AMERICA.

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