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As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Bo Obama Addresses Graduates Of Dayton Obedience School

DAYTON, OH—Calling on the 2017 class of canines to make the most of their training as they head out into the world, former first dog Bo Obama delivered a stirring commencement speech Friday to graduates of the Dayton Obedience School.

‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Most Notable Google Ventures

Ten years ago this week, Google Street View launched, offering panoramic views of locations all over the world. As the tech giant continues to debut new projects, The Onion highlights some of Google’s most ambitious ventures to date:

Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.
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Historical Archives: Dances You May Wish To Try

T>he Toe-Point: The Lower Digits will be flexed to and froe in modest frequency, in keeping with the Tempo. A dramatic Dance suitable only for Weddings and the Winnings of Wars.

The Trot-Sit: Originating from SCANDALOUS GERMANY, this Dance requires two Partners to walk briskly from one side of the Room to the other, and then Sit Down.

The Newe Wedding Dance: A man of impressive Proportions takes An other man, whose Shape more resembles that of a Woman, in his powerful Arms and Twists her about in Time with the Music, of Preference a jaunting Traditional tapped with Fervor 'pon the Dulcimer, as he raises his Knees, first the right, then the left, then the right, then the left, to his Barrel-Chest, nearly dropping the Male Woman to the grounde, but then catching Her with his Hands, like those of A Bear, and grasping her by the El-bows with unusual Firmness, marches her against Protestation into the nearest Shelter where the Dance may continue for many Hours into the Night.

The JOLLY-TROT: by which Ladies and Gentle-Men, in successive Turns, walk briskly to the Center of a Square, where, surrounded by the Other, they Spin each one two times, then walk briskly back to place in Line, taking great care never to move their HIPS, lest Satan tempt the Revelers with Thoughts infernal.

The Apoplectic Fit: Lately revealed not to be a Dance, but a medical AFFLICTION of the greatest severity.

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‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

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