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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Historical Archives: Facial Corsets For Ladies, Finally

Woman, look again as twelve years of age! At last, FACIAL CORSETS for LADIES make slender and comely the Woman's Face, pushing up and accentuating the Cheeks for a very alluring Visage. No more shall the eyes of a Stranger be drawn to your un-attractive Chin or Jaw Bone. Be the talk of your Village, and find yourself with CHYLDE within weeks. Let People wonder whence your Cheekbones have been hiding.

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