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WASHINGTON—Touting his lengthy tenure in the White House and close personal relationships with the president of the United States and first lady, executives at Brownstein Hyatt Farber Schreck announced Monday that once the current administration steps down later this week, the departing Bo Obama will officially join their high-powered K Street lobbying firm.

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Historical Archives: John Jacob Astor Out Looking For Beaver

By good honest New Englandmen at Station in the frozen North comes Word that a GERMAN Settler, born JOHN JACOB ASTOR, has four and ten Times this very Month journeyed out to hang from his Belt fine specimens of that elusive and oft desir'd BEAVER, which the Warmth of Spring's Breath has once more uncover'd and shown mature and Plentiful. Known through out the Olde World for his great Accomplishment in trapping all Variety of the sly Furréd Beast, M. ASTOR is said to be a fine and up standing Gentle Man, known to return Home from chasing every handsome Piece of Pelt, from PORTS MOUTH to MICHILLIMAKINAC, with always a full-bodied Specimen under each Arm; so powerful is his Skill at luring the Log-devouring Animal! M. ASTOR, being but twenty Years of Age, fit, and possessing all of his own hair, surely has both Mode & Means to transverse our fair Country and explore the darkest Regions of Her Wet Lands. Should the enterprising GERMAN, by the Smile of good Fortune, reach the fertile back woods of New Hampshire, it is likely he may find him self secured to his very PUPILS in Beaver, and, we hasten to note, only good Beaver at that, and None of this foul Skunk Pelt seen in those parts of late.

The coming hunt shall likely be of no Difficultie to this Master Trapper, who has oft' been o'erheard at a Tavern to describe the evening's haul, and of especial note, a particular occurance in QUEBEC, in which he had access to such a great number of the Hairy Things, he was forced to arm himself against their advances with a Stick! And an-other oft-heard, is that M. Astor de-lights in taking the most magnificent of each Day's Haul and stretching the hairy Water Rat to its breadth and placing it a top his Head.

True, he has amass'd some great Wealth by presenting to the FRENCH those Flat-Tails not fit for stuffing, yet so ambitious a Man is He, that he carries on his virtuous task through Day, Night, Sickness, Health, Holy-days, and drunkenness. He takes only a Brief Respite in the month of August, when the New Found-land Territories open season on the Wild Bearded Clam.

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