Historical Archives: John Jameson's Miracle Concoction

Top Headlines

Recent News

Cake Just Sitting There

Take It

CHICAGO—Assuring you that there was nothing to worry about and not a soul around who would see you, sources confirmed Tuesday that a large piece of chocolate cake was just sitting there and that you should go ahead and take it.

Where Your Political Donation Goes

With over $1 billion spent in the 2016 presidential race alone, campaign donations continue to cause much controversy and even confusion for their role in shaping politics. Here is a step-by-step guide to how the average American’s political donation travels through a campaign

Roommate Skulking Around Edge Of Party Like Victorian Ghost Child

SEATTLE—Appearing initially in the far corner of the living room and then several minutes later on the threshold between the kitchen and the hallway, local roommate Kelsey Stahl was, by multiple accounts, seen skulking around the edge of a house party Friday like a Victorian ghost child.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Historical Archives: John Jameson's Miracle Concoction


Torpid Innard; Anchorite's Droop; Moth-Bowell; Leadminer's Complaint; Flaccidity of the Tongue;† Magnet-Rash; Horse-Shoe-To-The-Head; New-Hampshireman's Quandary; The Feathers; Superfluous Haire; The Dripping Illness; Whoospy Lung; The Brackets; Gold Fevor; Bewitchment; Thumb Tumefaction; Beard Crickets; Soot-mouth; Milkman's Teat-Finger;† Bucket-Mender's Knee; Air-Borne Toxic Eventualities;† The Gargling Horrors;† The Falling Hollies; The Vapors; Delicacy Spells; Accumulation of Excessive Humors; Astrologicks; Mulish Bladder; Stubborn Coccyx; Irritable Skull; Mistaken Heuristics; Boatswain's Dis-Order; Dog-Stink; Un-Stoppable Tooth Growth;

Available in Containers of All Sizes, from Pocket Flagon to Hog's-Head.

Administer Responsibly and Refrain from the Operation of Voting-Boxes, Bowie-Knives, Livestock, Gallows,

Lumber-Mills, And All Heavy Contraption'ry

Imported From Loathe-full Ireland by John Jameson Company, West-Chester, New York. 1783


Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close