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WINNER’S CIRCLE—Sources are reporting that you, valued Onion reader, have won!

A Timeline Of Construction On The White House

George Washington laid the cornerstone of the White House 225 years ago this week, and the building has undergone almost constant change and renovation since then. Here’s a timeline showing how the White House was built.
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Historical Archives: John Jameson's Miracle Concoction

A PROVEN SOLUTION FOR:

Torpid Innard; Anchorite's Droop; Moth-Bowell; Leadminer's Complaint; Flaccidity of the Tongue;† Magnet-Rash; Horse-Shoe-To-The-Head; New-Hampshireman's Quandary; The Feathers; Superfluous Haire; The Dripping Illness; Whoospy Lung; The Brackets; Gold Fevor; Bewitchment; Thumb Tumefaction; Beard Crickets; Soot-mouth; Milkman's Teat-Finger;† Bucket-Mender's Knee; Air-Borne Toxic Eventualities;† The Gargling Horrors;† The Falling Hollies; The Vapors; Delicacy Spells; Accumulation of Excessive Humors; Astrologicks; Mulish Bladder; Stubborn Coccyx; Irritable Skull; Mistaken Heuristics; Boatswain's Dis-Order; Dog-Stink; Un-Stoppable Tooth Growth;

Available in Containers of All Sizes, from Pocket Flagon to Hog's-Head.

Administer Responsibly and Refrain from the Operation of Voting-Boxes, Bowie-Knives, Livestock, Gallows,

Lumber-Mills, And All Heavy Contraption'ry

Imported From Loathe-full Ireland by John Jameson Company, West-Chester, New York. 1783

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