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Revelations From The DNC Email Leak

Last week, WikiLeaks posted 20,000 email exchanges among DNC officials, the content of which led to DNC chair Debbie Wasserman Schultz’s resignation on the eve of the convention. Here are some of the key revelations from the leak

CNN Producer On Hunt For Saddest-Looking Fuck With Convention Button Collection

PHILADELPHIA—Weaving his way through the crowd of patriotically dressed attendees excitedly milling around on the floor of the Democratic National Convention, CNN segment producer Jeff Raskin reportedly went on the hunt Monday for the most pitiful-looking fuck willing to speak on camera about their political button collection.

How The IOC Plans To Address Doping

In light of its recent decision not to bar Russian athletes from competing in Rio despite their use of performance-enhancing drugs, the International Olympic Committee is working to establish more effective protocols to keep the Games drug-free. Here are some ways the IOC plans to address doping:

360 Tour: Inside The RNC

The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.
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Historical Archives: Masthead

Editor-in-Chief, H. Ulysses Zweibel.

learn'd men of letters & esteem'd gentry, &c;, &c.; J. Michael Randazzo, Mr. John Krewson, Lrd. Joseph Garden.

GOODWOMAN, Ldy. Maria Schneider. WITCH, Megan Ganz.

town crier/giant, Chris Karwowski.

JUWES, Seth Reiss, Dan'l Guterman.

indentur'd scribes, Young John Harris, Chadeus Nackers, Michael Enzo Giuseppi DiCenzo, T. Hanson The Elder.

Swarthies, Michael Faisca,

Nicholas Gallo.

lay-abouts, Dan'l Klein, William Tracy, Cole Bolton, Samuel Kemmis, Sigmund Stern, Arthur Meyer.

Task master, Chester Parker Shelton Clem.

BEADLE, David Korn-feld.

press-man & POKE-STICK, Colin JayTierney.

prACTITIANS OF THE DARK ARTS,

Jeff Weston, Baratunde Thurston,

Matt Kirsch, Kelly Shea

quill boy, R. Sikoryak

slaves, Allison Compton, Katla McGlynn, Hilary Brennan-Maquez, Adam Valen Levinson, Matthew Morrison, Griffin Newman, Austin Smith, Priyank Mathur, Jinae West, Edward Small, Carson Vaughan, Natalya Vaynblat.

wet nurse, Julie Smith.

martyr, Scott Dikkers.

Other-Wise deceas'd, R. Dolan,

Molly Passanissi, Beatrice the Friendly Sow.

s

Interlocutors To Mammon.

mouth-piece for mister zweibel, David Schafer.

quister, Steve Hannah.

back-lasher, Michael McAvoy.

Pettifogger, Sean Mills.

ceremonial stooge, Will'm Wernecke.

bag-men & Glov'd vultures, Ryan Walther, Peter Teese, Sebastian Mei.

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