Historical Archives: Masthead

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New York City Abuzz Over New Resident

NEW YORK—With word spreading rapidly through office towers, apartment buildings, and across all five boroughs, sources confirmed Friday that New Yorkers were abuzz over reports that a new resident had moved to the city.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of July 7, 2014

ARIES: Your belief that nothing can stop you will be tested this week by depression, procrastination, concrete barriers, dysentery, armed gunmen, and the unanimous passage of several laws targeted specifically at stopping you.

Ranking Women Somehow Not Issue In Miss USA Debacle

NEW YORK—As backlash against the Miss USA pageant continues to spread following controversial anti-immigration remarks made by the contest’s owner, Donald Trump, sources confirmed this week that the overt ranking of women is somehow not a part of the ongoing nationwide outrage.
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Historical Archives: Masthead

Editor-in-Chief, H. Ulysses Zweibel.

learn'd men of letters & esteem'd gentry, &c;, &c.; J. Michael Randazzo, Mr. John Krewson, Lrd. Joseph Garden.

GOODWOMAN, Ldy. Maria Schneider. WITCH, Megan Ganz.

town crier/giant, Chris Karwowski.

JUWES, Seth Reiss, Dan'l Guterman.

indentur'd scribes, Young John Harris, Chadeus Nackers, Michael Enzo Giuseppi DiCenzo, T. Hanson The Elder.

Swarthies, Michael Faisca,

Nicholas Gallo.

lay-abouts, Dan'l Klein, William Tracy, Cole Bolton, Samuel Kemmis, Sigmund Stern, Arthur Meyer.

Task master, Chester Parker Shelton Clem.

BEADLE, David Korn-feld.

press-man & POKE-STICK, Colin JayTierney.

prACTITIANS OF THE DARK ARTS,

Jeff Weston, Baratunde Thurston,

Matt Kirsch, Kelly Shea

quill boy, R. Sikoryak

slaves, Allison Compton, Katla McGlynn, Hilary Brennan-Maquez, Adam Valen Levinson, Matthew Morrison, Griffin Newman, Austin Smith, Priyank Mathur, Jinae West, Edward Small, Carson Vaughan, Natalya Vaynblat.

wet nurse, Julie Smith.

martyr, Scott Dikkers.

Other-Wise deceas'd, R. Dolan,

Molly Passanissi, Beatrice the Friendly Sow.

s

Interlocutors To Mammon.

mouth-piece for mister zweibel, David Schafer.

quister, Steve Hannah.

back-lasher, Michael McAvoy.

Pettifogger, Sean Mills.

ceremonial stooge, Will'm Wernecke.

bag-men & Glov'd vultures, Ryan Walther, Peter Teese, Sebastian Mei.

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