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Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

New EPA Chief Proposes 30% Cut In All Carbon-Based Organisms

WASHINGTON—Expressing confidence that the nation would meet the ambitious benchmarks by the end of Donald Trump’s presidential term, Scott Pruitt, the president-elect’s nominee for chief of the Environmental Protection Agency, said Thursday he would seek a 30 percent cut in all carbon-based organisms upon assuming office.
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Historical Archives: New Whimsical Tune Helps Drown Out Cries Of Anguish

Through the Grace of GOD our Father, Reports have found their way through the dense Wilds of the OHIO COUNTRY, that a Singing-Tune, possibly of African Origin, but none the less appropriat'd by Flat Boat Men and pleasingly modifi'd for those of a paler Complecktion, up lifts the Spirits and extracts Joy from Listeners in the immediate Vicinity, rousing e'en those curtain'd in the blackest Misery. No longer should the Deaths of lov'd Ones by Child Birth, the Wasting-Away, the Greek Scourge, or the Head Cold weigh heavy on the Mind, provided a Fife and Juwe's Harp is with in Arm's Reach. No, once the Melodie descends upon the Ears, a furious Urge to clap the Hands, dance the Feet, bare the Teeth, and make Merry takes Hold, and it shall not relinquish its Grip until its final Strains fade. In Deed, those with Ability in Music Playing observe that the over all Feeling of Mirth only intensifies as the Tempo of the Tune is increas'd, until All present are work'd into a Frenzy. The Tune, which is SIMPLICITY IT SELF, is easily recall'd enough that one may whistle it when going to fetch Water, or to carry a sick Cow up Hill, and there fore lessen any Burden. Though the Lyricks of the Tune are said to change with virtually ev'ry Rendition, most appear to give at least partial Reference to a native Fowl who beds in dri'd Grass.

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