adBlockCheck

Historical Archives: New York Threatened By O'er-Crowding As Population Climbs To Twelve Thousands

Top Headlines

Recent News

Man Practices Haircut Request Before Heading To Barber

MINNEAPOLIS—Having scripted a set of lines he hoped to deliver with confidence and decisiveness, local 34-year-old Jason Clyne carefully rehearsed his haircut request several times Friday before heading to his local barbershop, sources confirmed.

Weddings vs. Eloping

Many couples who don’t want to put the time and money toward a wedding simply run off and get married in secret. Here is a side-by-side comparison of planning a wedding and eloping

EPA Urges Flint Residents To Stop Dumping Tap Water Down Drain

FLINT, MI—Citing the significant health and safety risks that it poses to public infrastructure and the local ecosystem, the Environmental Protection Agency released a statement Thursday urging residents of Flint to discontinue dumping tap water down their drains.

New OSHA Regulations To Cut Down On Workplace Mutations

WASHINGTON—In an attempt to address the troubling number of genetic transformations occurring in workplaces across the nation, the United States Occupational Safety and Health Administration unveiled new regulations this week aimed at reducing on-the-job mutations, sources confirmed.

Brita Unveils New In-Throat Water Filters

OAKLAND, CA—Representatives from Brita, the nation’s bestselling brand of household water filtration products, held a press event Wednesday to unveil a new line of filters designed to be installed directly inside users’ throats.

Upcoming Changes To U.S. Currency

Secretary of the Treasury Jack Lew recently announced a series of significant changes to U.S. currency. Here are some of the more notable alterations on the horizon
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Healthy Living

Historical Archives: New York Threatened By O'er-Crowding As Population Climbs To Twelve Thousands

A great Worrye gripps the Metropolis of New Yorke, fmrly, New Amsterdam, from which we should all take cautionary Instrucktion, that we might stop this dangerous Trend, before Disaster and Catastrophe be-fall us. I speak of the Danger of "O'er-Crowding"—a new term, invent'd by the Scholars of the Social Sciences, to describe a new Problem recently made manifest in our Cities and Townes. I will explain this phenomenon in the manner of Science: Through Coupling and Immigration, a massive Growthe of Population, in a short Time, creates more People. When these People, owing to Sloth &c;, do not move on to new lands, it creates Living Conditions of un-speakable jostling, bumping, and even Elbow-touching, which no man can escape.

The Problem of O'er-Crowding was made known, to the great Consternation of learned Men, by the most recent CENSUS, which found, after manny months of hard Work and mathematickal Tabulation, that the population of that great City, had risen to an extra-ordinary Degree, so that the number of People now living therein, has exceed'd the amount of Twelve Thousands, with no end to the population Growthe in sighte.

No, that is not a Mis-Print: the number is indeed TWELVE THOUSAND, and no mis-taking.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close