Historical Archives: Notice To The Publik

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Fact-Checking The Third Presidential Debate

Presidential nominees Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump sparred over subjects including foreign policy, the economy, and their fitness to hold the nation’s highest office in the final debate Wednesday. The Onion examines the validity of their assertions

Man Praying Interviewer Doesn’t Ask Any Questions

MINNEAPOLIS—His mouth going dry and his palms growing sweaty as he arrived at the offices of Regent Advertising Partners to interview for an open account manager position, local man Devin McKee reportedly prayed Thursday that the hiring manager wouldn’t ask him any questions during their meeting.

Origins Of Popular Slang Terms

As the internet helps push new words and expressions into common usage, many may wonder where our most ubiquitous idioms come from. Here are the origins of some popular slang terms and phrases

Intergalactic Law Enforcement Officers Place Energy Shackles On Hillary Clinton

PARADISE, NV—Materializing through a dimensional portal in front of a stunned audience at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas, intergalactic law enforcement officers reportedly appeared onstage during Wednesday night’s presidential debate and placed a pair of glowing blue energy shackles on Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton.

Man Had No Idea Cough Was Going To Be Wet One

MUSKEGON, MI—Caught completely off guard by the viscous lump of sputum that was dislodged and sent rocketing upward from his lower respiratory tract, area man Luke Reese confirmed Wednesday he had no idea his impending cough was going to be a wet one.

How To Report A Crime

Whether you are a bystander, witness, or the direct victim of a crime, it’s important to know how to alert the authorities. The Onion provides a step-by-step guide for reporting a crime
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Historical Archives: Notice To The Publik

Dirt-Eating Contest, this Saturday 11th Ocktober! Can No-One best Fat Phineas Cooper, who just one Year past ete three and twenty pounds of Earthen Loam and ten of blackest Soot? Victor claims Harness of finest woven HEMP and one lightly-worn wife.

Lordy, Lordy Look Who's Twenty! Happy birth-day James Clapburn Bristol III. O'er yon hillock!

Come be witness to a spectakle of Resounding Fortitude!

SMITH, champion Hurler and all-around specimen of Oxen Strength, will attempt to refute the Laws of Gravity by spiriting a stone of OUR LORD's own making high into the Firmament this 11th October.

Fermented beverages will accompany the Grand Demonstration.

Announcement: Cat-Drowning POST-PONED. Will commence Thursday next, when sufficient quantity of Sacks of hearty Burlap may be obtained.

Reminder: NOTHING will take place from the Days of October the 23rd through November the 30th.


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