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Historical Archives: Notice To The Publik

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Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?

Obesity: Myth Vs. Fact

With as many as one in three people in the U.S. qualifying as obese, misconceptions are often formed about what it means to be significantly overweight. The Onion separates obesity myths from facts
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Historical Archives: Notice To The Publik

Dirt-Eating Contest, this Saturday 11th Ocktober! Can No-One best Fat Phineas Cooper, who just one Year past ete three and twenty pounds of Earthen Loam and ten of blackest Soot? Victor claims Harness of finest woven HEMP and one lightly-worn wife.

Lordy, Lordy Look Who's Twenty! Happy birth-day James Clapburn Bristol III. O'er yon hillock!

Come be witness to a spectakle of Resounding Fortitude!

SMITH, champion Hurler and all-around specimen of Oxen Strength, will attempt to refute the Laws of Gravity by spiriting a stone of OUR LORD's own making high into the Firmament this 11th October.

Fermented beverages will accompany the Grand Demonstration.

Announcement: Cat-Drowning POST-PONED. Will commence Thursday next, when sufficient quantity of Sacks of hearty Burlap may be obtained.

Reminder: NOTHING will take place from the Days of October the 23rd through November the 30th.

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