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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Historical Archives: Only Thirteen Thousand Acres Of Forest Remaining On Manhattan Island

Some have propos'd a radickal and, some may even saye, DRASTICK measure, of securing a parcel of "greens-space," designated as "off-of-Limits" to additional development, as a sort of "Centralized Park," and that lands in the City's middle part, between Rector Street and Wall Street, be placed under this Protecktion. Although most agree that such a Plan is an over-reaction, for surely, even in the worst of future cases, New York is un-likely to expand past the area of the Trinity Church, the Question of how much acreage of Forest the Island Manhattan can maintain is never the less a serious one.

Eg, will the Forests of Manhattan some day be unable to sustain viable hunting Populations of Deere, Moose, Elke and Brown Bear? Our Bible states that these Beasts were placed here for our Benefit. We are Stewards of the Land, and it causes sadness to think that our children may not know the Joy of felling such Game, and resort to the hunting of mere Geese and Duckes instead, for lack of roome.

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