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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.
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Historical Archives: Only Thirteen Thousand Acres Of Forest Remaining On Manhattan Island

Some have propos'd a radickal and, some may even saye, DRASTICK measure, of securing a parcel of "greens-space," designated as "off-of-Limits" to additional development, as a sort of "Centralized Park," and that lands in the City's middle part, between Rector Street and Wall Street, be placed under this Protecktion. Although most agree that such a Plan is an over-reaction, for surely, even in the worst of future cases, New York is un-likely to expand past the area of the Trinity Church, the Question of how much acreage of Forest the Island Manhattan can maintain is never the less a serious one.

Eg, will the Forests of Manhattan some day be unable to sustain viable hunting Populations of Deere, Moose, Elke and Brown Bear? Our Bible states that these Beasts were placed here for our Benefit. We are Stewards of the Land, and it causes sadness to think that our children may not know the Joy of felling such Game, and resort to the hunting of mere Geese and Duckes instead, for lack of roome.

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