Historical Archives: Our Nation's Monthly Leisure Time Rises To A Staggering Total Of Three Minutes

Top Headlines

Recent News

What It Costs To Host The Olympic Games

Boston announced this week it will pull its bid for the 2024 Olympics, due in part to the huge costs associated with the games that could become a taxpayer burden. Here is a breakdown of what the Olympics cost their host cities

Resolute Congress Passes Second Amendment Again

WASHINGTON—Easily securing the requisite two-thirds majorities in the House and Senate, a resolute United States Congress responded to the ongoing national debate on gun rights Tuesday by passing the Second Amendment again.

The Life And Works Of Dr. Seuss

A 50-year-old manuscript by the late Theodor Geisel, better known as Dr. Seuss, is being released this week, captivating nostalgic readers who grew up on seven decades of children’s books from the prolific author. Here are some highlights from Dr. Seuss’ life and work
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Fatherhood

  • Father Apologizes For Taking Out Anger On Wrong Son

    ELIZABETH, NJ—Moments after losing his composure with an unwarranted emotional outburst, local father David Kessler reportedly apologized to his son Christopher Thursday for erroneously taking out his anger on him and not his older brother Peter.

Area Man

This Great Song, Bar Sources Report

TOMAH, WI—Pausing their conversations momentarily to call attention to the music playing on the establishment’s jukebox, sources at local bar Shepherd’s confirmed to reporters Friday that this is a great song.

Historical Archives: Our Nation's Monthly Leisure Time Rises To A Staggering Total Of Three Minutes

Anew and worry some Trend has arisen in our young Common Wealth. That is, the practice of assuming extended Reprieves from the Industry and Enterprise which makes this Nation one of great Prosperity and Independence. Further more, it is believed that the Periods of Idleness may total up to One Hundred Seconds and Eighty in Length for every thirty Days. These Leisure Activities, which apparently do not yield any productive Work what so ever, but rather elicit a strange Sensation which has been referred to as "Pleasure," include such Pursuits as engaging in Games of Throw-The-Ball with one's Son; Sitting, a still some what obscure Practice of Monarchical Origin, involving a Transfer of the Weight of the Body† to the awaiting Support of an Armed Chair, or such like accommodating Surface, so as to reduce Strain on Muscles of the Lower Limbs; and perhaps most Trouble some of all, Reading.

It is a Mystery why more than fifteen Seconds ev'ry Fort Night are requir'd for these trivial Goings-On, and it is also a great Concern among Many that these lengthy Interludes of Indolence will result in a veritable Nation of INVALIDS, who would prefer the Lounging of the Body and the Lethargy of the Soul to productive and enriching Tasks such as ploughing the Fields, taking Axe to Wood until great Volumes of Sweat must be mopp'd from the Brow, hitching One's Self to Logs, Boulders, &c.; and hauling them away, Churning, Foraging, Plucking of the Goose, picking the Seeds out of Bolls of Cotton until the Moon is high and Blood flows freely from the Fingers, & Sewing and Mending by dim Candle Light, until one eventually goes Blind & dies alone in the Alms House. After all, the Fruits of Labour can not be harvest'd from one's Bed. A new Law shall be draft'd with in the Week next, to prevent the monthly Lapse of Industry from eclipsing the current Rate of three Minutes, lest the Offender be stripp'd of his yearly Allotment of ten Minutes for Relations with his Wife in the Bed Chamber in order to propagate this great Land.