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Tips For Back-To-School Shopping

As kids prepare to go back to school, parents are tasked with providing all the supplies and clothes they’ll need for the year. Here are The Onion’s tips for tackling back-to-school shopping.

Report: Sky Normal Today

WASHINGTON—Informing citizens there really wasn’t anything special going on up there, the nation’s scientists confirmed the sky is normal today.
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Historical Archives: Popular Hymns heard sung of late.

"O, O, O Lord, O, O".

"These Lesions, Ho, Are The Lord's Lesions".

"Yea, How The Lord Doth Despise Us".

Untitled Slave Song About Being Tired.

"Oh, And That Reminds Me Another Thing Jesus Did".

"God Forgive My Masturbations".

"Let All Herein Be Seated in a Manner Orderly".

"Psalm 124".

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Report: Sky Normal Today

WASHINGTON—Informing citizens there really wasn’t anything special going on up there, the nation’s scientists confirmed the sky is normal today.

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