Historical Archives: Ship's Log

Top Headlines

Recent News

Area Dad Thinks Refs Should Just Let Them Play Football

DOYLESTOWN, PA—Facetiously questioning how the game had suddenly become a non-contact sport, local father Aaron Harper confirmed his belief Thursday that referees officiating a Thanksgiving game between the Philadelphia Eagles and Detroit Lions should just let them play football out there.
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage


Area Man

This Great Song, Bar Sources Report

TOMAH, WI—Pausing their conversations momentarily to call attention to the music playing on the establishment’s jukebox, sources at local bar Shepherd’s confirmed to reporters Friday that this is a great song.

Historical Archives: Ship's Log

Departing To The Ends Of The Earth.

Small expedition ship The Petula Rosa has departed from the Shores of Rhode Island this fourth week of June in hopes of escaping Ridicule aimed at its rather effeminate Name.

Arriving From The Orient.

Sea-faring vessel The Nautilus, led by Captain James McCann, has returned from a Year's long Voyage to The Far-East with an abundant supply of Rare and Exceptional spices. Collected aboard the gentle ship is CUMIN, FENNEL, CARDAMOM, and RED CURRY, the lot of which will be circulated among Citizens, so that they may be applied to the Copulating Organs, and God-Willing, bring an end to certain nefarious Urges.

For Amsterdam.

The Ship Amigo,

Captain James Joseph Anchower II, will set sail on the fifteen of July for freight or passage and is willing to be compensated with backside, lantern oil, or the leaf of hemp.

The Good-Ship Tea Ship has returned from Great-Britain with MORE TEA, thus completing her 47th voyage across the Atlantic Ocean, each time departing with No Tea and porting with Tea Aplenty, tho' We needn't more Tea and are all ready burdened with an Amount of GOD-forsaken Tea so great it is nigh Undrinkable.