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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.

Departing Bo Obama Lands K Street Lobbyist Position

WASHINGTON—Touting his lengthy tenure in the White House and close personal relationships with the president of the United States and first lady, executives at Brownstein Hyatt Farber Schreck announced Monday that once the current administration steps down later this week, the departing Bo Obama will officially join their high-powered K Street lobbying firm.
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Historical Archives: Sing Ho! For the KING of Broil'd MEATS

As he doth Celebrate the OPENING for BUS-INESS,

an' all related to the COOKING of MEATS upon the FLAME,

an' against all known laws of Physick, Reason, and Commerce,

a seckond EATERIE,

Within half a day's walk of,

And in ev'ry Fashion a Match to, his First,

which shall remain Open as well.

FURTHERMORE: The Plenipotentiary of Meat has allow'd, as a Measure of Com-Passion, the Offering of ONE

MEAL OF GREAT VALUE

For those who have mere Pfennies, but desire a Banquet that is worth More in all Seeming.

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