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Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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Historical Archives: Sing Ho! For the KING of Broil'd MEATS

As he doth Celebrate the OPENING for BUS-INESS,

an' all related to the COOKING of MEATS upon the FLAME,

an' against all known laws of Physick, Reason, and Commerce,

a seckond EATERIE,

Within half a day's walk of,

And in ev'ry Fashion a Match to, his First,

which shall remain Open as well.

FURTHERMORE: The Plenipotentiary of Meat has allow'd, as a Measure of Com-Passion, the Offering of ONE

MEAL OF GREAT VALUE

For those who have mere Pfennies, but desire a Banquet that is worth More in all Seeming.

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