adBlockCheck

Recent News

Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.

Jimmy Carter Contemplating Dying Right Here And Now

WASHINGTON—Carefully weighing the pros and cons of each option from his seat onstage at Donald Trump’s inauguration, former president Jimmy Carter is, according to late-breaking reports, currently contemplating dying right here and now.
End Of Section
  • More News

Historical Archives: The Twenty Top-Most Books In Print At Present

1. The Bible. (226,339)

2. Common Sense. (2,412)

3. The Thousands Upon Thousands Of The Mohicans. (2,211)

4. The Return Of Common Sense: Back To Basics. (1,998)

5. The Diary Of A Woman Who Knew How To Write. (1,873)

6. The Bible, Red Cover. (1,872)

7. The Plow-man's Diet. (1,590)

8. The Booke of Blanke Pages. (1,559)

9. Leeches: A Comprehensive Tome Of The Known Medical Facts. (1,381)

10. The Bible, Blue Cover. (1,339)

11. The Gentle-man Of New Amsterdam. (1,001)

12. God's Revenge Against Idleness: A Children's Book. (903)

13. Guide To North American Jews. (714)

14. The Bible, German. (568)

15. Common Sense III: It Just Makes Cents (404)

16. The Lever And Fulcrum For Village Idiots. (211)

17. Natural Stillbirth (37)

18.

19.

20.

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close