adBlockCheck

Historical Archives: To Be Sold - Carved Wooden Heads

Top Headlines

Recent News

Jogger Clearly On First Run Of Plan To Turn Life Around

CHICAGO—Taking note of the man’s beat-up tennis shoes, sweat-drenched shirt, and ill-fitting pair of sweatpants as he made his way down the sidewalk, witnesses reported Tuesday that area jogger Dan Andreychuk was clearly out on his very first run of a plan to turn his life around.

What’s At Stake In New Hampshire

With the New Hampshire primary election Tuesday poised to impact the course of the 2016 presidential race, The Onion examines what’s at stake for the candidates
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Historical Archives: To Be Sold - Carved Wooden Heads

By the most skilled Crafts-men have been created Carved Wooden HEADS of remark able quality and bilaterally symmetrical appearance and known to generally reduce the suffering of those Veterans, who during the course of the LATE-WAR with Great-Britain had the Misfortune of decapitation by well-placed Blow, Cannon Ball, Bouts of Gangrene, or dislocation of the SKULL, often resulting in the impediment of proper nodding functions and intolerable HEAD-ACH. Contains a Pair of Faces, for Occasions either solemn or mournful, with wooden dowel Eyes, quarter of one-inch bored Holes for Ears, and handsome Grain most disagreeable to the WOODPECKER.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close