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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Historical Archives: To Be Sold - Two Chamber Pot House

Luxury shall not be outside your hearth but inside with a TWO CHAMBER-POT HOUSE. No more shall your Unmentionable Parts suffer discomfort from frigid conditions because your Chamber-Pot is occupied by a suff'rer of the Piles. Live like the ROYALS. Comes with a Window through which you can empty your chamber-pots. Also with a Fire-place, a root-cellar for storage of your winter victuals, and a space for bedding down

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