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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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Historical Archives: "Urban Sprawling" So Severe, Settlement's Cooking-Fires Can Be Seen From As Far As Greenwich Village

According to reports from those living out side the boundaries of the great Metropolis, in the far-off Village of Greenwich, the expansion of New York City has accelerat'd to such a great Extent that one has merely to climb a nearby Tree-top, to see the cooking-fires and smoke of the New-Yorkers, which grow in brightness and Heate with each passing Yeare. Further, there are Stories of Houses being construct'd in such proximity to existing Houses that residents have invented "Curtains" to obscure the view of the nightly Goings On of the resident from view. And still, more New Yorkers are born every Daye, necessitating the cutting down of more and more of Manhattan Island's forested Wilder-ness, that these Fyres may be fuel'd, and Houses for these growing Families be built.

Will New York's expansion continue un-abated, and if so, what is next? Will the Island of Manhattan someday be home to twenty, or even thirty THOUSANDS of residents? Where, neighboring villagers ask, are all these New Yorkers to be housed? Are they to be expected to live one atop t'other, like a Childe's toy Blockes? Surely, our Fore Bearers did not flee the crowd'd Streets of London so that their Children should met the same FATE in the New World.

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