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Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

How Trump Plans To ‘Drain The Swamp’

One of Donald Trump’s central presidential campaign promises was to “drain the swamp” by ridding Washington politics of corruption and corporate influence. Here’s how he plans to do it.

Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.
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Historical Archives: "Urban Sprawling" So Severe, Settlement's Cooking-Fires Can Be Seen From As Far As Greenwich Village

According to reports from those living out side the boundaries of the great Metropolis, in the far-off Village of Greenwich, the expansion of New York City has accelerat'd to such a great Extent that one has merely to climb a nearby Tree-top, to see the cooking-fires and smoke of the New-Yorkers, which grow in brightness and Heate with each passing Yeare. Further, there are Stories of Houses being construct'd in such proximity to existing Houses that residents have invented "Curtains" to obscure the view of the nightly Goings On of the resident from view. And still, more New Yorkers are born every Daye, necessitating the cutting down of more and more of Manhattan Island's forested Wilder-ness, that these Fyres may be fuel'd, and Houses for these growing Families be built.

Will New York's expansion continue un-abated, and if so, what is next? Will the Island of Manhattan someday be home to twenty, or even thirty THOUSANDS of residents? Where, neighboring villagers ask, are all these New Yorkers to be housed? Are they to be expected to live one atop t'other, like a Childe's toy Blockes? Surely, our Fore Bearers did not flee the crowd'd Streets of London so that their Children should met the same FATE in the New World.

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