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Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.

Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.
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Historical Archives: Will New York Someday Be Too Crowded For Farming?

An Issue even more worry-some to experts is the reduced acreage of cleared forest available for farming within the City limits. It is a well known Fact that no urban community can survive with out an agricultural base on which to found the City's infra-structure. Already, plots of Farm-land in Lower New York City have grown smaller as more Acreage is used for Housing. What will become of the City if there is no room left in it to Farm crops? Said one wag "What are Manhattanites to do for Food if they cannot growe it? Have it shipped in from New Jersey?" A hum'rous Jest, to be sure, but in all Seriousness it is a Concern that must be dealt with, before o'er-crowding in New York, gets out of Control. If this be Progresse, then may God save the lot of us.

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