adBlockCheck

Recent News

Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.

Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
End Of Section
  • More News

Historical Archives: Will New York Someday Be Too Crowded For Farming?

An Issue even more worry-some to experts is the reduced acreage of cleared forest available for farming within the City limits. It is a well known Fact that no urban community can survive with out an agricultural base on which to found the City's infra-structure. Already, plots of Farm-land in Lower New York City have grown smaller as more Acreage is used for Housing. What will become of the City if there is no room left in it to Farm crops? Said one wag "What are Manhattanites to do for Food if they cannot growe it? Have it shipped in from New Jersey?" A hum'rous Jest, to be sure, but in all Seriousness it is a Concern that must be dealt with, before o'er-crowding in New York, gets out of Control. If this be Progresse, then may God save the lot of us.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close