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History Buff Can Really Relate To Millard Fillmore

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WASHINGTON—Saying his wife of 24 years had already sacrificed so much for the sake of his career and that it was time to return the favor, Barack Obama announced Wednesday his resignation as president of the United States of America, effective immediately, following news that Michelle Obama had landed her dream job in Seattle.

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FAIRFIELD, ME―Having seen more students than she can remember come into her office with complaints of nausea and vomiting over the years, Fairfield High School nurse Sarah Bromti told reporters Wednesday she’s getting to the point where she can identify morning sickness without much trouble.
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History Buff Can Really Relate To Millard Fillmore

PALATINE, IL—Amateur historian Dean Durand reported Monday that he increasingly finds himself identifying with former President Millard Fillmore. "He was the last president who wasn't either a Democrat or a Republican, and that's me," Durand said. "And I often have intense fights with my wife, a woman I like to think of as my personal Zachary Taylor." Friends of Durand say he was more fun to spend time with in high school, when he identified with rock guitarist Richie Blackmore.

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