adBlockCheck

Entertainment

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 31, 2017

Aries: They say there’s nothing quite like the bond between a mother and her child, but then they have yet to see your experimental new adhesive compound. Taurus: The stars, in their infinite wisdom, recommend that you check yourself this week, as not doing so might lead you to wreck yourself in the future.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

How Movies Receive Their Ratings

Many Americans use the MPAA’s formalized rating system as a guide for which films to see. The Onion provides a step-by-step view into how these ratings are chosen:
End Of Section
  • More News

History Channel Treating Invention Of Popcorn Like It's Fucking Penicillin

NEW YORK—An in-depth, hour-long History Channel special about the cultivation and manufacture of popcorn reverentially details the origin of the snack food as though it were as fucking miraculous as the discovery of penicillin, sources reported Friday. "It was then that an engineer from Indiana named Frederick Mennen—a quiet, thoughtful man who would later found the Jiffy Pop corporation—conceived the intricately interleaved foil enclosure that would become synonymous with popcorn for most of the 20th century," a voiceover declared in sober tones befitting a description of how Sir Alexander Fleming saved millions, literally millions, of fucking lives by developing the world's first antibiotic. "The addition of salt and butter added the final flavorsome coda to Mennen's masterpiece." The program was reportedly followed by a rerun of Ancient Aliens, a show that treats extraterrestrial influence on primitive cultures as if it were something that actually happened.

More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close
settings