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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Hitting Coach Lets Out Long, Melancholy Sigh Before Working With Pitchers On Bunting

JUPITER, FL—Florida Marlins hitting coach Jim Presley massaged his temples with his left hand and emitted a deep, sorrowful sigh Friday when he realized he would have to spend two hours going over bunting with his team's pitchers. "All right, let's just get this over with," said Presley, who spent much of the practice shaking his head in disbelief and wincing from frustration. "How is it that you're all professional baseball players, but you don't know how to do this? Move up in the batter's box and square yourself off. And make sure you thumb is out—oh, boy. You're going to have to get that checked out." Presley was reportedly in high spirits afterward when he watched infield coach Joey Espada work with the pitchers on throwing to first base.

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