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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Hockey Ticket Sales Tapering Off Slightly

NEW YORK—Sales figures from the NHL's headquarters indicate that hockey ticket sales are down almost 8 percent since the beginning of the year, independent analysts commissioned to survey the league's bookkeeping announced Monday. "We haven't yet found a reason that would explain the dip—all we have is total sales numbers—but it seems that the league sold almost 2,000 fewer tickets last week than it did in January," said accountant Harvey Sloman. "I wouldn't call it a disturbing trend, however, as the league seems to have cut its expenditures for travel, accommodations, payroll, and other expenses by almost 95 percent. Unorthodox business model, but it seems to be working for them." Commissioner Gary Bettman hastened to point out that their television audience had grown by almost 10 percent in the same time.

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