Hog Executed Farmland Style

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Area Dad Thinks Refs Should Just Let Them Play Football

DOYLESTOWN, PA—Facetiously questioning how the game had suddenly become a non-contact sport, local father Aaron Harper confirmed his belief Thursday that referees officiating a Thanksgiving game between the Philadelphia Eagles and Detroit Lions should just let them play football out there.
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Hog Executed Farmland Style

GRUNDY CENTER, IA—Police are investigating the vicious farmland slaying of a prize hog whose methodically gutted corpse was discovered Tuesday in the barn of local livestock farmer Lyle Whitman. "It appears the hit was done with a large butcher knife or some similar cutting implement," said Grundy County Deputy Keith Angrim at a press conference Tuesday. "The hog was hung by its feet with its belly sliced open and its head removed. In addition, all the blood had been drained from the animal's body, and its internal organs were missing." Given the meticulous but brutal nature of the killing, Angrim said he believes the hog was "taken out by a professional."