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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.
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Holley Mangold

Weightlifting — Dayton, Ohio

Strength: Strength

Special Skills: Lifting, grunting

Childhood: Dealt with bullies by using self-deprecating humor and then beating the shit out of them; often teased in high school for having a brother who played for the Jets

Body Type: Lumpy heap

Favorite hobby: Enjoys lifting many things recreationally

Personal Goal: To eat entire Olympic team

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