Hollywood Diet Secrets Fall Into Non-Celebrity Hands

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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Hollywood Diet Secrets Fall Into Non-Celebrity Hands

HOLLYWOOD– In a major Hollywood security leak, an Encino, CA, company has made "Weight-Loss Secrets Of The Stars" available to the non-famous. Direct Sales International made the offer through ads last week in The National Enquirer and Weekly World News. "Learn how the rich and famous take unwanted pounds off FAST–and KEEP them off!" the ad read. "I am horrified by the implications of this," Julia Roberts said. "The institution of celebrityhood could crumble, with our thigh-trimming and belly-banishing secrets now public. The global balance of beauty has tipped forever. God help us all."