adBlockCheck

Entertainment

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.
End Of Section
  • More News

Hollywood Maintenance Crews Sent Out To Patch Up Film Industry’s Plotholes

LOS ANGELES—Numerous Hollywood maintenance crews were reportedly dispatched early Thursday morning to fix a rash of plotholes that have developed across the film industry, with laborers called to fill in unresolved third acts and smooth over illogical character arcs at worksites on the Warner Bros., Universal Studios, and Paramount Pictures lots. “Every spring we get reports of big plotholes from nearly every studio, and we have to send out workers to repair these deep, troublesome inconsistencies in films before they cause too many problems,” said Hollywood’s Department of Cinematic Works commissioner Brad Barnett, who added that the plotholes tended to be worst just after the end of a long, arduous awards season. “Plotholes can form due to poor studio conditions, the presence of implausible events, or a prolonged lack of attention by screenwriters. And if they aren’t patched up by adding some solid dialogue or an additional explanatory scene, then the plotholes will continue to grow and we’ll need to send in a specialized crew to tear up the script and do a complete overhaul on the underlying storyline. Not only are plotholes annoying for moviegoers, but if you run into enough of them, they can totally destroy your suspension of disbelief.” Emphasizing that regular maintenance was critical, Barnett said that he expected viewing conditions to improve significantly before the summer blockbuster season, when the number of plotholes is expected to quadruple.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close