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Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 31, 2017

Aries: They say there’s nothing quite like the bond between a mother and her child, but then they have yet to see your experimental new adhesive compound. Taurus: The stars, in their infinite wisdom, recommend that you check yourself this week, as not doing so might lead you to wreck yourself in the future.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

How Movies Receive Their Ratings

Many Americans use the MPAA’s formalized rating system as a guide for which films to see. The Onion provides a step-by-step view into how these ratings are chosen:
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Hollywood Plans Big-Budget Remake Of Mr. & Mrs. Smith

LOS ANGELES—Studio executives at 20th Century Fox announced that production will begin next month on a big-budget, all-star remake of Mr. & Mrs. Smith, the blockbuster action film of 2005 starring Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. "We're always looking for ideas, and moviegoers really responded to Mr. & Mrs. Smith," said Fox vice president of development Mtumne Ngumwebaum. "Buckle up, action fans! This time we're going to do it bigger and better, with twice the budget and even hotter stars." Said film critic Harry Knowles: "You shouldn't touch a classic like Mr. & Mrs. Smith, but if you bring Eli Roth in as director, count me in!"
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Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

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