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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Home-Brewing Phase Comes To Long-Overdue Conclusion

BETHEL PARK, PA— Local resident Randy Paltz's two-year home-brewing phase finally
came to its long-overdue conclusion Tuesday. "Thank God, it's over at last,"
said Andrea Longo, girlfriend of the 33-year-old beer aficionado. "Every few weeks,
he'd make a big production about his latest 'Paltz's Signature Brew.' It all tasted the
same—like really thick, shitty beer." Friend Tim Traschel also expressed relief,
saying, "Now I can actually go to his house and bring some Michelob without getting a
lecture about the low quality of hops in commercial beers."

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