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Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.

Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.
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Home Burglary Reveals Rays Players' Horrible Living Situation

PORT CHARLOTTE, FL—While investigating the burglarized home of Tampa Bay Rays players Evan Longoria, David Price, and Reid Brignac last week, authorities were shocked by the dwelling's squalid living conditions, saying the house was "basically a rat-infested shithole." "Regardless of the Xbox games and the other junk that was stolen, the place had no running water, and the floors were covered in trash," a representative of the Charlotte County Sheriff's Office told reporters, adding that the only pieces of furniture were three bare mattresses; that even the walls were covered in dirt; and that each sink, including those in the bathrooms, contained stacks of dirty dishes. "There were no signs of toilet paper or any cleaning supplies. I'm surprised the burglar was able to grab enough stuff without vomiting, given the intense smell of human fecal matter." Though police do not currently have any leads, they have taken several steps toward finding a new home for Rays catcher John Jaso, who was found sleeping naked in the cellar.

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Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

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