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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Home Depot Criticized For Pledging $10 Billion To American Cancer Society For Every Padres Home Run

SAN DIEGO—Home Depot has come under fire from cancer patients, baseball fans, and Padres players for the company's recent "heartless and insulting" offer to donate "$10 billion in cash" to the American Cancer Society each time a Padres player hits a home run for the rest of the 2006 season. "This outrageous offer of 'charity' is a slap in the face to our organization," said Jay Czarnecki, a spokesman for the ACS. "Having your donation depend upon a San Diego player hitting a baseball over 300 feet through the air is not only placing unfair and unrealistic expectations on the Padres, but is equivalent to telling everyone who has cancer to go off and die." Czarnecki suggested that, if Home Depot truly supports the research and eradication of a disease that kills millions of Americans every year, they should pledge a dollar for each time a Padre strikes out or commits an error.

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