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Ringo Starr Announces 26th Beatles Album With New Backing Band

‘Moonbeam Sunday’ Slated For Release On June 16

LONDON—Excitedly informing fans that the iconic pop group was back with more original music, Ringo Starr announced Tuesday that on June 16 he would be releasing a 26th Beatles album titled ‘Moonbeam Sunday’ with an all-new backing band.
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'Home Improvement' Announces Plans To Suck More

Los Angeles—In an announcement that has shocked critics and audiences alike, the executive producers of Home Improvement have issued a memo detailing proposed ways to make the popular ABC-TV comedy series suck more. “Many people believe we’ve sucked as badly as you can suck,” co-executive producer Josh Hessel said. “But, believe me, we can do better.” Proposed changes include having star Tim Allen grunt more often in place of written dialogue; reducing other characters’ lines to a single catch phrase each; and substituting the program’s synthesized laugh track with the pained moans of a lone, dying elderly woman.

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