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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.
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Home-Schooled Student Opens Fire On Breakfast Nook

OCALA, FL—In the latest act of youth violence to shock the nation, 14-year-old home-schooler Jeffrey Kunz opened fire on the family breakfast nook Monday, killing three and injuring two. "We were just about to start Jeffrey's algebra lesson when I heard several loud pops," said Iris Kunz, 44, the assailant's mother/teacher and one of the injured. "But then I saw blood on Jeffrey's sister Melissa and realized someone was shooting." The gun-wielding teen, who was eventually subdued by SWAT-team agents, was said to be angry at his mother over a science grade.

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