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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Honest Chris Paul Says New Orleans Hornets Fans The 16th Best In World

NEW ORLEANS—Saying that he was just being honest, New Orleans guard Chris Paul told reporters Monday that Hornets fans are the 16th best fans on the planet. "Look at it this way: 16th is pretty darn good if we're talking about the whole world," said Paul, adding that the planet's greatest fans are clearly those of Manchester United in the British Premier League. "I could go and say something silly like Hornets fans are the best, but let's be real here. Teams like the Packers, Cubs, Michigan Wolverines, and Team Canada Hockey all have amazing fans, the 5th, 8th, 10th, and 6th best, respectively. I will say that Hornets fans are the 3rd best in the NBA's Southwest Division, which is still pretty decent." Paul added that, in the interest of full disclosure, he had to admit the Hornets would probably not bring home an NBA Championship within the next 10 years, although he himself would do so as part of the New York Knicks.

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