adBlockCheck

Local

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
End Of Section
  • More News

Honest, Hardworking Man Leans Against Reliable Pickup Truck

THE AMERICAN WEST—As early-evening light slanted through the slowly settling dust of a rugged, rustic backdrop, an honest and hardworking man hitched his thumbs into faded jeans, fixed his steel blue eyes on the horizon, and leaned against a reliable American-made pickup truck, sources said Tuesday. Moments after tossing his tools and cargo into the battered but sturdy truck bed—the weight of which caused the chassis to shift satisfyingly from left to right—the man reportedly whistled for his faithful brown dog to jump into the cab of the iconic vehicle, which wore its coating of mud as a general wears his uniform. At press time, strains of an anthemic rock ballad were rising in volume as the truck drove off, kicking up rocks and dirt in a slow-motion testament to simple men everywhere who work with their hands and lead with their hearts.

More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close