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Biggest Announcements From E3

Each June, E3, or The Electronic Entertainment Expo, hosts game developers showing off their latest products. Here are this year’s most exciting announcements:

‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Ringo Starr Announces 26th Beatles Album With New Backing Band

‘Moonbeam Sunday’ Slated For Release On June 16

LONDON—Excitedly informing fans that the iconic pop group was back with more original music, Ringo Starr announced Tuesday that on June 16 he would be releasing a 26th Beatles album titled ‘Moonbeam Sunday’ with an all-new backing band.
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Horrible Pack Of Theme-Restaurant Waitresses Alerted Of Patron's Birthday

LODI, MI—At the last moment, a cackling, seething coven of waitresses at a local Chi Chi's was alerted to restaurant patron Jim Alea's 32nd birthday Monday. "Happy, happy, happy, happy, happy birthday, to you," shrieked the aproned harpies in a 20-second chant which, according to one witness, "seemed to flare out into a thousand eternities." Alea grimaced in horror at the fast-clapping she-demons before slumping under the weight of a 25-pound Chi Chi's "birthday sombrero."

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