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National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.

Pros And Cons Of Electric Cars

With technology improving and more automobile companies releasing electric models, electric cars are becoming a common alternative for American consumers. Here are the pros and cons of electric vehicles.
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Horrifying Email From Ex-Girlfriend Titled ‘A Few Things’

OXNARD, CA—His heart pounding in fear as he stared at the unread message in his inbox, area man Joe Dubbin reportedly checked Gmail at 11 p.m. Sunday night to discover a horrifying email from his ex-girlfriend titled simply “A few things.” “Oh, God,” Dubbin said under his breath as he worked up the nerve to move his cursor over the wholly unexpected message, a film of cold sweat materializing on his brow as he scanned the previewed line of text that read “Just so you know” followed by an ellipsis. “Should I just open this thing and get it over with now, or maybe mark it as ‘read’ and look at it tomorrow? Or I could just delete it quickly and forget this ever happened. Jesus.” Sources reported that Dubbin’s pupils then dilated in terror when, 12 minutes after the email arrived in his inbox, the number 2 in parentheses suddenly appeared beside his ex-girlfriend’s name.


More from this section

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.

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