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What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.

Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.
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HorseConnect, The Social Network For Horses, Bought For $1 Billion

PALO ALTO, CA—In an exciting development for what many tech insiders are calling the hottest startup in Silicon Valley, HorseConnect, the social network exclusively for horses, has been acquired for approximately $1 billion, sources confirmed Thursday. “When we heard of a website that allows horses to create personal profiles and connect with one another online, we knew we had to get in on the ground floor,” said venture capitalist Micah Sheridan, leader of the consortium of private investors who successfully completed the all-cash deal, adding that he anticipated every stallion, colt, and filly in America would eventually be using the burgeoning social media platform. “There’s a ton of buzz around this property, and for good reason: Once we expand into the global market, the revenue potential is enormous. No question, it’s a bright future for HorseConnect, and we’re going to be there every step of the way.” Despite Sheridan’s unwavering enthusiasm about his investment group’s acquisition, many analysts reportedly have expressed their concerns as to its long-term growth potential, pointing to the disastrous IPOs of competing equine social networks Foal Follow, YearLink, and MareFinder.

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