adBlockCheck

Recent News

Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.

Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.
End Of Section
  • More News

'Hot 'N' Nasty Butt Cum Chixx' To Appear As 'Creative Concepts' On Credit-Card Bill

PLANO, TX–A phone call to the 1-900 service "Hot 'N' Nasty Butt-Cum Chixx" will be discreetly referred to as "Creative Concepts" when it appears on Plano resident Andre Lucas' credit-card bill next month, it was reported Tuesday. The 11-minute call, during which Lucas masturbated furiously while talking to an unnamed hot and nasty butt-cum chick, will be listed as a $43.89 charge on his Visa bill under the tastefully ambiguous name. Though this is Lucas' first billing-discretion experience involving butt-cum chixx, in May 1997, a 23-minute phone call to "Horny Black Sluts" was billed to "West Coast Promotions."

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close