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Politics

Robert Mueller Driving SUV 100 MPH Down Runway As Air Force One Narrowly Lifts Off

PRINCE GEORGE’S COUNTY, MD—Sending a pair of guards scrambling for safety as he gunned his black SUV through a chain-link gate and onto the tarmac, Robert Mueller, the former FBI director who was recently tapped to lead the ongoing investigation into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia, chased Air Force One down the runway at Joint Base Andrews moments before takeoff, sources reported Tuesday.
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Hot New Secretary Of Transportation To 'Shake Up' U.S. Highways

WASHINGTON, DC—In a press conference announcing the replacement of Norman Mineta, vivacious new Secretary of Transportation Kyla Damon unveiled plans Tuesday to "shake up" U.S. highways. "You think you've seen negotiation and implementation of international transportation agreements and the issuance of regulations to prevent alcohol and illegal-drug misuse in U.S. transportation systems?" Damon said. "Well, think again!" Damon added that her first order of business would be to "say so long to that dusty old fossil known as the Federal Highway Administration."

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