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Politics

Revelations From Hillary Clinton’s New Memoir

‘What Happened,’ a new memoir detailing the trials and tribulations of Hillary Clinton’s 2016 campaign, was released today, with Clinton supporters and detractors already divided on its contents. Here are some of Hillary’s bombshell revelations:

Joe Arpaio’s Family Surprises Him With Detained Hispanic Motorist

FOUNTAIN HILLS, AZ—In celebration of the dismissal of his conviction for criminal contempt via presidential pardon, Joe Arpaio’s family reportedly sought to surprise the former sheriff Tuesday with a 30-year-old Mexican national whom they detained on suspicion of having entered the country illegally.
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House Democrats Forced To Move All Their Things Back Into Disgusting Minority Locker Room

WASHINGTON—Suffering their greatest indignity since losing their majority in the midterm elections, House Democrats were forced this week to move all their personal belongings back into the filthy and dilapidated minority locker room, disgusted representatives confirmed Monday. "This place sucks. We have to share lockers, and the latches on the bathroom stalls don't work so you have to hold the door shut," said Rep. Dennis Kucinich (D-OH), adding that the House majority locker room has nice carpeting, leather furniture, places to hang their suits, and a Jacuzzi. "Plus, the floors are always wet, and it smells like piss. Who's pissing everywhere?" House Democrats also reported finding a dirty pair of Champion shorts belonging to Rep. Eric Cantor (R-VA) and a wall covered in graffiti reading "Fuck Americans!"

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