How Should Hockey Hoaxer Gary Bettman Be Punished?

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Vol 47 Issue 03

"Late Inning Drama" Episode Guide

Episode 1: Odd Manager Out The Arrows have a new manager, but he's not what he seems. Masters thinks there's a killer on the team, but all his evidence is circumstantial. Meanwhile he's giving up monstrous home runs. Will the team crack their los...

In Memory Of Susan Merriweather

With great regret, we wish to inform you of the death of Onion News Network international reporter Susan Merriweather. Susan, who started at the Onion News Network as Today Now's denim correspondent in 2002 and worked her way up to become one of the netwo...
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How Should Hockey Hoaxer Gary Bettman Be Punished?

The country has been talking about National Hockey Association commissioner Gary Bettman, whose kidnapping grabbed mid-paper headlines for the past few days.  Now it's been revealed that Bettman staged the kidnapping, hiring three of his top hockeymen to pretend to be his captors. How do you think Gary Bettman should be punished for this hoax?

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