adBlockCheck

How To Talk To Your Teens About Cody

Top Headlines

Local

Ronald McDonald Statue Bears Full Brunt Of Teenagers’ Mockery

CLEVELAND—Remaining stoically silent throughout the barrage of vicious insults, unsavory accusations, and various other indignities directed at it, a statue of Ronald McDonald seated on a bench outside the fast-food chain’s Clark Avenue location is said to have borne the full force of a group of teenagers’ mockery Thursday.

Woman Leaving Meeting Worried She Came Off As Too Competent

OXNARD, CA—Silently chastising herself for the way she behaved in front of her colleagues and supervisors, Cobalt Property Insurance sales associate Leah Manning, 36, was reportedly deeply worried Tuesday that she came off as too competent during the company’s weekly sales meeting.

Mom Has Stacked Dinner Party Roster

GOLDEN, CO—Their eyes widening in amazement as the 43-year-old rattled off the names of heavy hitter after heavy hitter, impressed members of the Dreeshen household confirmed Friday that the roster for their mom’s upcoming dinner party was absolutely stacked.

Bold Intern Giving Parents Tour Of Office

CHICAGO—Brazenly strolling through the rows of desks while pointing out the firm’s various departments to his two guests, Lodestone Media intern Nate Kapper, 19, made the incredibly bold move of giving his parents a tour of the company’s offices Wednesday, sources reported.

Beautiful Spring Day No Match For Last 35 Years Of Man’s Life

LITTLE ROCK, AR—Nullified almost immediately by the collective force of decades’ worth of resentment and disappointment, a bright and beautiful spring day was said to be no match for the past 35 years of local man Thomas Unger’s life, sources confirmed Tuesday.

Coffee Stain On Shirt Not As Big A Deal This Morning

CHICAGO—Calmly brushing off the accident that would have normally left him incensed, local man Alex Perkins, 36, told reporters Tuesday that, all things considered, the fresh coffee stain on his shirt is not as big a deal this morning.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Satisfaction

How To Talk To Your Teens About Cody

Health Authorities From Pennington, IL have released this list of tips for parents of children who may come in contact with handsome Pennington High student Cody.

1) Start the discussion about sex with Cody early. Have age appropriate discussions with your grade schooler about Cody, because by the time she's in high school, Cody will be in his late 20s hanging by his motorcycle downtown and won't have lost one bit of his charm.

2) Make sure you are honest and open about your own feelings about Cody. Let your child know if you too have been tempted by Cody and that you understand what she's going through, but that she shouldn't have to have sex with Cody to earn Cody's respect.

3) Supervise your adolescents, especially on Thursdays when Cody gets out of wrestling practice early. Establish rules, curfews, and standards of expected behavior for when they're near Cody. Make sure to ask them when they leave the house if Cody's going to be where they're going. Ask them to check in with you periodically, so that you can listen for Cody's husky yet boyish voice through the phone.

-->-->

4) Find out what your child's friends think about Cody. Are your daughter's friends already sexually active with Cody? How many of your daughter's friends are carrying Cody's babies? These are questions you need to ask your daughter.

5) Build trust with your children. It's important that you build an honest, non-judgmental relationship with your child so that when she's ready to have sex with Cody, she will feel comfortable coming to you. That way, you can provide her with oral contraception because Cody says he has a latex allergy and can't wear condoms.

6) Know what your kids are reading, watching, and listening to. If she's listening to a CD from Cody's band, the Gun Stallions, it's too late. But, if it's a love poem that Cody wrote for her, then you're just in time, because he only writes poems for girls he hasn't gotten in the sack yet.

7) Have your teen spend a day with another teen who has already had one of Cody's babies. Seeing firsthand the effects Cody's newborn has on a real teen mother will help your daughter decide whether to go down to Pennington Pond with him after the game on Saturday.

8) Discuss the between drinking and sex with Cody. Almost 75% of teenage girls in the Pennington area became pregnant after Cody offered them a wine cooler that he stole from his mom's stash in the garage refrigerator.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close