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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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How To Turn Down A Dare Graciously

Sometimes, when you find yourself being challenged to do things you're not comfortable with, a social situation can turn awkward. Here's how you can deflect such pressures and turn down a dare without losing face:

  • Excuse yourself after surreptitiously singing your ringtone.
  • Distract everyone with your double-jointed thumb.
  • Politely and graciously inform challenger that he is under citizen's arrest.
  • While acceptable, faking your sudden death may come off as unconvincing and overwrought in certain situations, such as in reaction to an invitation to play video trivia.
  • Go around eating from a 5-pound bag of carrots and explain that, unfortunately, you’re still working on the last dare.
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