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Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.

Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.
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How Will Each Of Shaq's Body Parts Help The Mavs?

Big deal going down earlier today as the Dallas Mavericks acquired Shaquille O'Neal from the Boston Celtics so that they could tear him apart and divide his body parts among their healthy, young, effective players. Here's an inventory of what's left of Shaq and how it might help the Mavs get to the promised land.

  • Knees: Totally worthless.
  • Abdomen: Best use is probably to insulate thinner players in particularly cold arenas.
  • Toes: Could potentially be used as fingers.
  • Head: Far too large to actually fit onto any Mavericks player's neck, Dallas could potentially use it as a speed bag in the training room.
  • Inner Ear Bones: Shaq has always had very good balance, but make sure not to put them inside of Jason Terry, or he will think he is a 7' 400 lb man
  • Lymph: Shawn Marion could always use a little more lymph
  • Stomach: Though the temptation is there to use such a strong, durable part, this would be a slippery slope for any player looking to maintain weight
  • Hands: Tyson Chandler's hands are pretty ugly, best replace them with Shaq's smooth, soft mitts
  • Ian Mahinmi: center's right elbow has been acting up; Shaq's will fit well here as long as the Mavs don't mind watching Mahinmi brick every single free throw

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Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

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