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H.R. 2651 Fans Storm Senate Floor After Passage Of Bill

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Michelle Obama: ‘Well, There Are 8 Years Of My Life I’ll Never Get Back’

PHILADELPHIA—Her face fixed in an expression of apathetic detachment as she took the stage Monday night to raucous cheers and applause, First Lady Michelle Obama reportedly began her address to the Democratic National Convention by exhaling audibly and remarking that she would never get the past eight years of her life back.

Revelations From The DNC Email Leak

Last week, WikiLeaks posted 20,000 email exchanges among DNC officials, the content of which led to DNC chair Debbie Wasserman Schultz’s resignation on the eve of the convention. Here are some of the key revelations from the leak

CNN Producer On Hunt For Saddest-Looking Fuck With Convention Button Collection

PHILADELPHIA—Weaving his way through the crowd of patriotically dressed attendees excitedly milling around on the floor of the Democratic National Convention, CNN segment producer Jeff Raskin reportedly went on the hunt Monday for the most pitiful-looking fuck willing to speak on camera about their political button collection.

Trump Casually Informs Pence He Going To Make One Or Two Appearances During Speech

CLEVELAND—Pulling his running mate aside backstage at the Republican National Convention just minutes before the Indiana governor was scheduled to formally accept the party’s vice presidential nomination, GOP candidate Donald Trump casually informed Mike Pence that he would probably make one or two quick appearances during the Midwestern conservative’s headlining speech tonight.
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H.R. 2651 Fans Storm Senate Floor After Passage Of Bill

WASHINGTON—Diehard fans of H.R. 2651 charged the floor of the Senate chamber Tuesday after their bill, a 14-vote underdog nicknamed the Maritime Workforce Development Act, passed 51-49 with just moments to go in the legislative session. "They said we'd never even make it out of House subcommittee, but this bill just had too much heart to quit," said longtime supporter Ed Wynarsky, who along with three friends spelled out "2651" with digits painted on their bare chests.† "I grew up following loans for maritime career education, and this has been a long time coming. We were due…. We were due." A champagne-soaked Sen. Ron Wyden (D-OR), whose last-second vote clinched the bill's passage, said the guys on the Commerce, Science, and Transportation Committee deserved much of the credit, but that the biggest thanks should go to God.

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